how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
