i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
