my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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