if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
