That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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