Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
