did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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