Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
