Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
