At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
