Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
