And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
