oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
