Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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