Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
