my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will pee on everything he values.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
