Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
