I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
