All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
