He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
