Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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