he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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