hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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