i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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