his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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