i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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