what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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