I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
