Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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