I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
