I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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