I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
