i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
