Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
