apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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