Do you still have your period?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
