I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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