yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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