sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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