the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
