dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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