sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
