My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
