id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
