After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
