pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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