false alarm. still invincible.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The air taste purple.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
