I wish I could teleport
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
should my penis look like a turkey
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
