so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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