His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
