I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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