I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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