imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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