Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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